We live in a society where we have to behave, dress and live according to the norms in order to be considered normal and sane by others. When you do something or behave in a way that some people think is not appropriate, they may call you names like stupid, weirdo, foolish etc. Out of fear of being criticised and being labelled with bad labels, some people only behave in a way that they think people around them will approve of.
For example there are people who dress only according to the latest fashion not because they like the cloth but because they want to be perceived as cool and stylish. Actually there is nothing wrong with being stylish or following the latest fashion, after all we all want to look good and attractive. The problem is the thinking style associated with that behaviour.
Why you should not give weight to people’s judgement
Some people depend on others’ judgement to know how good or bad they are. When they are complimented, praised and approved they feel good about themselves but when they are criticised or rejected, they feel worthless. You may think that it’s bad to ignore the opinion of others but do you think that people who judge you are always right?
Most people will judge you according to their own perception that may have nothing to do with reality. For example, someone who has known you for a month may see you crying and call you weak because he thinks that only weak people cry.
Like most people, some people around you may be jealous of you or hate you for no reason even if they may not show it. What if someone was jealous of you and didn’t want you to feel good about yourself? What if someone hated you for no reason and wanted you to feel bad? Obviously, this person will judge you based on how he wants you to feel. see: how to be emotionally strong.
Why do some care about the opinions of others so much
One of the reasons why some people depend on others’ opinions to judge themselves is because they don’t know themselves well. From the previous example, if the person didn’t know well whether he is crying because he is really weak or not then he will depend on others to tell him the truth. Obviously, he will believe the judgement of others no matter how wrong it may be. As a result this will not only affect his mood but also his self-esteem.
Another reason why some people care about the opinions of others is having a negative opinion about themselves. When someone thinks that he is not attractive for example, he will always seek compliments and approval to assure himself that at least some people find him attractive. See: how to stop being overly sensitive.
How to stop caring about what people think about you
The first step is to understand that people are rarely correct in judging others. Someone who has known you for a few days, weeks or months will judge you very superficially. Some people will judge you based on what they believe people who look like you are like, others will judge you based on their distorted perception and so on. As expected, most of them will be wrong.
The second step is to know your strengths and accept your flaws. Having a strong belief in your strength will eliminate the need for external proof. If you know that you are good at something and someone tries to convince you otherwise just ignore them or tell them that they are mistaken. See: how to feel good about yourself.