Why do we obsess over people who ignore us?
Why do we think a lot about people who do not seem to be interested in us?
Logically, we should obsess over those who love us, after all, we all want to be loved, and ignore those who ignore us because no one likes to be ignored. But surprisingly, that’s not how our mind works.
In my previous article “how to make a narcissist addicted to you”, I said that one of ways you can make a narcissist or anybody else addicted to you is by being partially unavailable. This is because when you are not fully available, you force the other person to think a lot about you. In this article I’m going to explain some of the reasons why we obsess over people who don’t want us.
Our insecurities makes us seek their acceptance
Most often when someone gets rejected by someone of the opposite sex, he usually concludes that he was rejected because of a particular flaw. We all have flaws and nobody thinks of himself as perfect, therefore it’s easy for someone to think that he was rejected because he has a certain flaw.
Once that conclusion is made, it motivates us to seek the acceptance of the person who rejected us so that we can prove to ourselves that we are still acceptable despite our flaws.
For example when a person who is overweight gets rejected, the first thing that comes into his mind is his weight. He may start chasing the person who rejected him in order to win his approval. I’m not saying that being overweight makes a person unattractive; I’m just using it as an example because many people feel insecure about their weight.
2. We perceive them as more important than us
Our mind finds those who don’t want us more interesting because it believes that they are more important than us. Whenever something is out of reach we usually perceive it as more valuable than it really is.
When someone doesn’t want us, we also start thinking that he has many options to choose from. This motivates us to pursue that person because winning his approval means that we are the best option.
Needy people are boring
People who show their feelings very early, people who always chase the other person, and those who seem very desperate, usually appear less attractive. When a person finds someone pursuing him desperately he automatically concludes that this person is less important than him, and so he never finds him desirable.
On the other hand, as I said in the previous point, whenever someone doesn’t seem to be interested in us, we automatically start thinking that he is more valuable and we find him more desirable. You should never appear desperate or needy when you are trying to attract someone because it can turn the other person off, especially if he thinks of himself as more attractive than you are. See: why do narcissists ignore texts?
Why you should not obsess over someone who does not want you
The first reason why you should not obsess over someone who doesn’t want you is that it can ruin your self-esteem. Getting rejected several times can make you start thinking that you are no longer that attractive or valuable.
As I said, we all have insecurities but you should not let your insecurities force you to act irrationally. Whenever you find yourself obsessing over someone who ignores you, you should first ask yourself whether you really love this person or if you are acting that way because of insecurities. See: where do insecurities come from?