Contrary to what many people believe, narcissists don’t move on so quickly. Before I explain this, it’s important to understand the emotional state of someone who has fully moved on. When someone has moved on completely, they feel neutral towards their ex. This means that they won’t be having any desire for revenge, anger, or a desire to get their ex back. The emotional pain associated with the breakup would have vanished as well.
To reach this final stage of recovery, a person has to go through all the stages of recovery. These stages are: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. Denial being the first stage, it comes right after the breakup. This is where a person can’t believe that the relationship has just ended. Here, the person is still full of hope that maybe their partner will change their mind and come back.
Denial is usually followed by anger. This is where a person feels that their rights were violated, they feel a strong desire to make their ex pay for their mistakes. It’s at this stage that some people go to extremes and attack their exes physically. The third stage is depression followed by bargaining and lastly acceptance.
That is how the human mind processes breakup and any type of loss, whether the person is a narcissist, a psychopath or a mentally healthy person. However, the more a person is attached to the relationship, the more intense and painful recovery becomes.
You may be thinking that narcissists move on so quickly because they never get attached to their partner but that’s not true at all.
How narcissists feel after a breakup
Narcissists go through the healing process a little differently than normal people. Their denial and anger usually comes in the form of devaluation and discard. By devaluing their relationship partner and convincing themselves that their partner meant nothing to them, they reduce the pain it would cause to their ego if they thought that their ex was an important person in their life.
In my article: what happens when you discard a narcissist first, I said that, when a narcissist can’t tolerate the pain of losing a valuable supply, they usually rush to find a painkiller; a new narcissistic supply.
Most often, this new supply is selected without taking enough time to know if they are compatible or not. Because the main goal is to get a quick fix, these types of relationships don’t last longer, and the end is usually painful and confusing for the new partner.
Why narcissists like it when their ex can’t move on
A narcissistic supply is anything that makes a narcissist feel great. In my previous article on how to get a narcissist back, I said that when a narcissist sees their ex in pain after a breakup, it gives them a sense of power and self-importance.
As long as they see their ex suffering after separation, it gives them a sense of self-importance. That’s why some narcissists start to love bomb their ex and try to get them back as soon as they start to move on. One of the reasons why narcissists don’t move on so quickly is because they like to get indirect attention and narcissistic supply from their ex. See: how do narcissists feel when you move on.
Why some narcissists try to prove that they are happy after a breakup
Some narcissists usually try to prove that they are happy after a breakup by posting pictures on social media. This may make their ex believe that the narcissist has completely moved on but this is actually a sign that the narcissist hasn’t moved on yet. If they didn’t really care about their ex then they wouldn’t bother trying to prove that they are happy.
Trying to prove that they are happy is also sometimes a form of devaluation. If they became happy after leaving you then it would mean that you were the problem in their life, right? That’s the conclusion they want you to make so that you feel bad about yourself. In my article: do narcissists forget their exes quickly, I said that narcissists move on quickly only if they are not emotionally attached to their partner.