I’m not going to talk about a case where your narcissistic partner starts accusing you of cheating right after seeing signs that you might be cheating such as going through your phone and finding that someone has been trying to catch your attention. In that case even if they may be wrong there’s usually no other reason behind the accusations other than the false signs they saw.
However, some narcissists seem to always suspect their partner of cheating without any solid evidence. Their accusations are usually based on zero evidence or trivial evidence such as when their partner comes home late. Whenever you see a narcissist or any other person behaving irrationally, know that there’s a psychological reason behind the behavior.
5 reasons why narcissists accuse you of cheating
As I usually tell my clients when I’m coaching them, there is never one cause of a particular behavior; instead 10 people can behave the same way for 10 different reasons. This means that if for example 10 narcissists accuse their partners of cheating, you shouldn’t assume that they are doing so for the same reason. Instead, they may be doing so for 10 different reasons. That’s why I always emphasize on understanding the real reason why a person is behaving in a particular way before you know how to deal with them.
Below are some of the reasons why narcissists accuse you of cheating.
- They are not sure about themselves: whenever a person is unsure about their skills, abilities, looks or anything that can greatly affect important areas of their life such as their career, relationship or social life, they usually live with fear and worry. For example, if a person is unsure about their skills at their job they will always be worried about being fired. This fear and anxiety can greatly affect a person’s perception and how they interpret things. For example, if their boss didn’t say “hi”, maybe because he/she was having a bad day, they may start believing that the boss is angry at them and planning to fire them. If the narcissist believes that they are insufficient for you or if they believe that you are not that into them they will be worried about losing you. They may start interpreting everything as a sign that you’re cheating on them, coming home late, smiling at your phone while texting, not being interested in sex, are some of the things that they can falsely interpret as signs of cheating.
- They were cheated on in their previous relationships: another thing that greatly affects a person’s perception is negative past experiences. If you ever saw a big spider in your house, the next day you may see your car keys a few meters away and believe that it’s another spider for a second. If the narcissist was cheated on in their previous relationship, they will be afraid of the same thing happening in their current relationship.
- They feel a loss of control: in my article “why are some narcissists paranoid” I said that when a narcissist loses power or control over their own life, they tend to become paranoid. When a narcissist feels like they are losing control over you, they may start thinking in a paranoid way and assume that the worst is happening.
- They witnessed infidelity in their family in childhood: if a narcissist saw their parents’ relationship face a lot of problems because of infidelity, the narcissist may grow up with false beliefs that infidelity is inevitable in relationships. This can make them always suspect their partner of cheating.
- They saw false signs: a change in your behavior can also make your narcissistic partner accuse you of cheating. For example, if you suddenly become emotionally distant or if they see a decreased physical intimacy such as a decrease in sexual activity they may start suspecting you of cheating. Also, if you suddenly start focusing on your appearance they may suspect that you’re trying to impress someone.
What to do about it
When your narcissistic partner accuses you of cheating it’s important to first understand why they are doing so. Most of the time, you will find that they are accusing you of cheating because they are worried that you might be cheating and not because they really believe that you’re cheating.
In that case, you should have an open communication with them and let them see things correctly. For example, if they start suspecting you of cheating because they saw a sudden change in your behavior, you should let them know the reason behind the sudden change in your behavior. See: what happens when you give a narcissist silent treatment.