where do Insecurities Come From

I’m not good enough for my partner; he will just leave me for someone else.

I will probably lose my job in the upcoming retrenchment.

I don’t think my children will have a good future.

Do these phrases sound familiar? If your answer is yes, then you might have developed insecurities.

Insecurity is a feeling that a person gets when he is not sure of what will happen at the same time worrying that something bad will happen.

There are many situations that many people feel insecure about such as: feeling insecure about one’s job, relationship, future, parenting, and so on.

To understand well where insecurities come from, let me give an example of a real life situation of a girl who always feels insecure in her relationship. (See: why do we obsess over people who don’t want us)

The insecure Jane

Jane (not a real person) believes that she is not attractive compared like other girls. When she was still in school her friends used to criticise her a lot about her weight, as a result she grew up with self-image problems.

Recently, Jane got into a relationship and she usually gets along with her boyfriend. Even though here boyfriend has never made any remark about her looks, Jane always feels insecure and believes that her boyfriend will dump her because she is not attractive.

Whenever they go out in a public place where there are other girls, Jane always feel worried that his boyfriend will fall in love with someone attractive than her. For this reason, Jane always get worried when her boyfriend starts interacting with other girls.

Jane always questions her boyfriend’s love not because her boyfriend doesn’t express his love towards her but because she believes that she doesn’t deserves genuine love. For example when her boyfriend compliments her, she always assume that he is insincere and lying

What causes insecurities

There are many factors that can make a person develop insecurity feeling but what all insecure people have in common is that they don’t trust their ability to get the desired outcome or to handle a certain situation properly. For example a parent who doesn’t trust his parenting skills may always feel worried that he will raise problem children.

The same goes for feeling insecure in a relationship. If you always feel insecure in your relationship, it’s mainly because you are unsure of your looks, your personality, or anything that you think your partner consider important.

For example if you believe that all men like slim ladies, (which is not true) you may always feel insecure if you are not slim.

How to stop feeling insecure

You may be thinking that all you have to do to stop feeling insecure is to change your mentality but that’s partly true. For example if you are insecure about your parenting skills it’s most probably because you don’t have enough parenting skills. In this case you will need to learn a lot about raising children, read books about parenting and everything that can help you raise your children properly.

On the other hand if you feel insecure in your relationship you will need to learn how to make your relationship healthy, build your self-confidence, get rid of false beliefs such as “I’m not good enough for my partner, I’m not attractive…” and take care of your looks as well. (See: how to feel good about yourself)

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