I’m not good enough for my partner; he will just leave me for someone else.
I will probably lose my job in the upcoming retrenchment.
I don’t think my children will have a good future.
Do these phrases sound familiar? If your answer is yes, then you may be living with insecurities.
Insecurity is a feeling that a person gets when they are not sure about a certain outcome and at the same time worrying that the outcome will be bad.
There are many situations that many people feel insecure about such as: feeling insecure about one’s job, relationship, future, parenting, and so on.
To understand well where insecurities come from, let me give an example of a real life situation of a girl who always feels insecure in her relationship. See: why do we obsess over people who don’t want us?
The insecure Jane
Jane (not a real person) believes that she is not attractive compared to other girls. When she was in school, her friends used to criticise her a lot about her weight, as a result she grew up with self-image problems.
Recently, Jane got into a relationship and she usually gets along with her boyfriend. Even though her boyfriend has never made any remark about her looks, Jane always feels insecure and believes that her boyfriend will dump her because she is not attractive.
Whenever they go out in a public place where there are other girls, Jane always feels worried that his boyfriend will fall in love with someone more attractive than her. For this reason, Jane always gets worried when her boyfriend starts interacting with other girls.
Jane always questions her boyfriend’s love not because her boyfriend doesn’t express his love towards her but because she believes that she doesn’t deserve him. For example, when her boyfriend compliments her, she always assumes that he is insincere and lying.
What causes insecurities
There are many factors that can make a person develop insecurities but what all insecure people have in common is that they don’t trust their ability to get the desired outcome or to handle a certain situation properly. For example, a parent who doesn’t trust his parenting skills may always feel worried that he will raise problem children.
The same goes for feeling insecure in a relationship. If you always feel insecure in your relationship, it’s mainly because you are unsure of your looks, your personality, or anything that you think your partner considers important.
For example if you believe that all men like slim ladies, (which is not true) you may always feel insecure if you are not slim. See: can an introvert become an extrovert?
How to stop feeling insecure
You may be thinking that all you have to do to stop feeling insecure is to change your mentality but that’s partly true. For example, if you are insecure about your parenting skills it’s most probably because you don’t have enough parenting skills. In this case you will need to learn a lot about raising children, read books about parenting and everything that can help you raise your children properly.
On the other hand if you feel insecure in your relationship you will need to learn how to make your relationship healthy, build your self-confidence, get rid of false beliefs such as “I’m not good enough for my partner, I’m not attractive…” and take care of your looks as well. See: how to feel good about yourself.
Why Insecurities can lead to Anxiety and Depression
Sometimes, depression may be nothing but an emotion your subconscious mind gives you when it realizes that you are not facing your problem. Some people have a bad habit of trying to distract themselves when they face a problem, or even ignore it completely. When this happens, your subconscious mind usually responds back with negative emotions such as sadness, anxiety or depression.
That’s why dealing with your insecurities will not only increase your self-confidence but it will also make you live a happier life.