Narcissists are well known for their automatic response of devaluing or discarding their partner whenever there’s a conflict that affects the narcissist’s ego. But, what happens when you discard a narcissist first? How do they feel and what do they do?
How a narcissist feels when you discard them greatly depends on how important you’re to them. The more important you are, the higher the effects of the discard will be. Below is how narcissists feel when you discard them first.
1) They Get a Narcissistic Injury
If you have ever had a wound on your body, you probably know how painful it is when a cloth or anything touches it. Emotional wounds are not different. Whenever someone touches your psychological unhealed wounds, you get emotional pain. So what does this have to do with discarding a narcissist first?
All narcissists in general have different types of unhealed psychological wounds. In my article “what makes a narcissist panic”, I explained how a person becomes a narcissist when they go through a horrible life experience that leaves them ashamed of who they are. Therefore, they develop narcissism as a defense mechanism.
For example, a narcissist who developed emotional wounds as a result of being neglected in childhood will be so sensitive to being abandoned in adulthood. When you discard this narcissist first, you will subconsciously remind them of the painful experience they went through, and this will cause them what some psychologists call a narcissistic injury.
What if the narcissist was a pampered child?
You may be thinking that if the narcissist was pampered, and not neglected in childhood, then the discard would have no effect on them but that’s not true. While narcissists who were neglected will try their best to never go through a similar life experience, a narcissist who was pampered will strive to rebuild the little environment where they were treated like a king (at home). If this narcissist luckily gets someone who treats them as their parents did, then the last thing this narcissist will want is to lose that person.
2) Their Empathy Shuts Down
Contrary to popular belief, narcissists can have empathy given that they are in the right psychological state. When a narcissist feels like their authority is being challenged, their empathy temporarily shuts down, and they can be so mean, vindictive, and cruel.
One of the things that can make a narcissist feel attacked is dumping them. Discarding a narcissist first is an implication that they are not important, and this is a direct attack to their ego. Narcissists consider themselves better than other people and this makes them believe that they are the one in a position to discard others, not the other way round.
3) When you Dump a Narcissist they May Try to Revenge
As I said, whenever there’s a conflict that affects a narcissist’s ego, they automatically label the person who hurt them as worthless and inferior. This helps them ease the pain because being dumped by a worthless person shouldn’t hurt anybody, right?
However, devaluing the person who hurt them doesn’t always work, especially if that person appears to be too important to be considered worthless. In this case the narcissist will try to revenge to make you regret dumping them.
4) They Find it Hard to Recover
In my article “why do we obsess over people who don’t want us”, I said that when someone gets ignored, they usually jump to conclusions that they were ignored because of their flaws. Narcissists are not different. They also have insecurities.
Most of the time, when you get dumped you don’t actually feel bad because you love that person so much, but you feel bad because you don’t know why you got dumped. If you knew very well that your partner dumped you because they believe you deserve someone better, you won’t feel that bad. On the contrary, if you believe that you got dumped because of your weight, the breakup will not only be unbearable but you will also find it hard to recover and move on. See: what happens when you give a narcissist the silent treatment?