Trying to get attention from a narcissist who is constantly ignoring you can be so frustrating especially if you don’t know why they are ignoring you. For this reason, most people usually decide to pull back and start ignoring the narcissist as well.
Chasing someone who doesn’t care can badly damage your self-esteem if you made wrong assumptions on the reasons why they are ignoring you. Sometimes, when a person gets ignored or rejected, they usually assume that it’s because they are not interesting or good enough. Now, when this person gets multiple rejections constantly they may end with a ruined self-esteem and feeling worthless.
Now the question is, does ignoring a narcissist or any other person who ignores you a good idea? Does it save your self-esteem? Is it the right way to deal with them? Before I answer these questions let me briefly explain why narcissists ignore you.
Some of the reasons why narcissists ignore you
- Ignoring you intentionally with a bad intent: for example, if you had recently ignored the narcissist or if you made them feel bad in any way, they may decide to make you pay for hurting them. They may start treating you as if you don’t exist or wait for the time when you need them the most and ignore you to make you feel bad. Narcissist do this to make you feel worthless and unloved.
- Ignoring you intentionally with a good intent: in my article: how to make a narcissist addicted to you, I said that giving someone constant attention and suddenly withdrawing without explanation does not only confuse the person but it also makes them keep thinking about you and eventually gets attached to you. A narcissist who knows this fact can ignore you sometimes to get you emotionally attached.
- They are in a bad emotional state: when a narcissist is still dating someone, the last thing they want is to leave a bad impression. Narcissists usually try very hard to impress people especially those they value. If the narcissist wasn’t feeling good or if they were having a bad day, they may avoid you simply because they don’t have the energy needed to impress you. see: why do narcissists ignore texts.
Should you ignore a narcissist who ignores you
From the previous points, you can see that when a narcissist ignores you it does not always mean that they are not interested in you. Before you decide whether to ignore them back or not, you should first try to understand the real reason why they are ignoring you.
Narcissists have fragile egos. This makes them so sensitive to being ignored. Ignoring a narcissist will definitely hurt them especially if they are interested in you and in return they will probably try to retaliate. Ignoring a narcissist when they are ignoring you is one of the things that can end your relationship suddenly even if both of you were still interested in each other.
Unless you are 100% sure that the narcissist has bad intentions, or unless you are no longer interested in keeping the relationship with the narcissist, your default reaction shouldn’t be to ignore them back right away when they ignore you. I’m not saying that you should start chasing them and giving them the excessive attention they want. Instead, you should just give them the normal amount of attention that you normally give them without looking desperate. The goal here is to let them realize that ignoring you won’t bring them any positive results.
This is when you should ignore a narcissist who ignores you
As I said, chasing someone who constantly rejects you is one of the things that can damage your self-esteem. If you are sure that the narcissist is not interested in you, or if you are sure that they are only trying to hurt you then you should definitely avoid them.
You should always avoid looking desperate or needy. It’s part of human nature to see what we already have as less valuable than what we don’t have. When you appear needy and desperate, the narcissist will assume that they can get you anytime they want, and this will make you look less valuable. See: What happens when you discard the narcissist first.