Are you in a relationship with a narcissist who is a control freak? Are you tired of being controlled?
Control freak narcissists not only hate to lose control but they also hate to see others in control. What this means is that taking control away from a narcissist is not an easy task. However, by arming yourself with the right knowledge you can take control away from a narcissist or at least stop them from controlling you.
How to take control away from a narcissist
Below are 6 ways to take control away from a narcissist without putting yourself into unnecessary fights and drama with them.
- Be assertive and stand up for yourself without being aggressive: how do you respond when a narcissist tries to control you in a way that you don’t like? Some people usually accumulate negative emotions that come from being mistreated by a narcissist until they can’t take it anymore and then they explode in an emotional and aggressive way. This is a very bad way of dealing with a narcissist since it makes them see you as helpless. Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for yourself and express yourself right away whenever you feel mistreated without being aggressive. Assertiveness shows that you’re not only in control of yourself but it also prevents you from accumulating negative emotions that come from watching yourself being mistreated doing nothing.
- Understand what vulnerabilities make you easier to control: are you too dependent on the narcissist? Do you appear to be helpless? Do you lack self-confidence? Control freak narcissists usually control you by exploiting your vulnerabilities. For example, if you are financially dependent on the narcissist, they may weaponize it and financially abuse you whenever you refuse to comply with their demands.
- Don’t turn it into power struggles: taking control away from a narcissist should not be about trying to control the narcissist instead. If both of you are trying to take over the house, a lot of conflicts and fights are most likely to happen. This is because narcissists have a strong need to be in control. In fact, if a narcissist feels a total loss of control in the relationship, they may even lose interest in you and break up with you. Of course, if the narcissist is in a relationship with you only because they can control you, you should indeed let the breakup happen.
- Confront the narcissist with the truth: in my article: 5 things that make a narcissist panic, I said that narcissists become control freaks when they have lost control over their own lives. They try to control their partner just to get a sense of being in control again. Confront the narcissist and tell them that the only thing they should try to take control of is their own life and problems. Tell them that you’re not their loyal pet and not complying with their orders does not make you a bad person.
- Understand their fear: another important thing to consider when dealing with a controlling narcissist is to understand why they need to control you. There are many causes of that behavior but it is usually driven by the fear of what might happen if they fail to control you. For example, a narcissist who does not want his partner to go out with his friends or come home late at night is usually insecure and afraid of losing his partner to someone else. See: what happens when a narcissist loses everything.
- How about letting them control you the right way?: Like I said, the last thing a narcissist wants to lose is control. You can take advantage of this fact and make the narcissist treat you well. The right way to do this is to comply with them only when they are nice to you and refuse to be controlled when they mistreat you. This way, you will allow them to feel in control but in reality you will be the one in control.
Sneaky control attempts narcissists use to control you
While some narcissists use obvious control tactics such as constantly giving you orders, always telling you what to do, and using aggressive behavior, some narcissists use stealthy control methods that are hard to notice to manipulate you into doing what they want. They usually do this by using your emotions against you.
For example, if you do something that they don’t like, they may try to make you feel ashamed and convince you that you did something horrible.
The best way to deal with these sneaky control attempts is to spot them first. Once you know that the narcissist is trying to use your emotions against you, you won’t fall prey to it. See: how to turn the tables on a narcissist.