Sometimes you might find yourself in a situation where a toxic narcissist constantly seeks to keep you closer to him no matter how hard you try to push him away. In this case, you might feel stuck in the toxic relationship not knowing what to do to make the narcissist discard you and leave you alone.
In my previous post about keeping a narcissist interested in you, I explained the right actions you should take in order to prevent a non-toxic narcissist from discarding you. I said that you should keep a narcissist interested only if the relationship is healthy. On the other hand if you are dealing with an abusive narcissist, you should take the right steps to end the relationship in a healthy way. It will be better if you read that article after this one to make sure that you are not making the mistakes that keep a narcissist interested in you.
Toxic narcissists are usually so manipulative. They may use manipulation tactics such as constant criticism in order to lower your self-esteem. They understand that if you think that you are not good enough, you will have little hope of finding another relationship partner.
You might be thinking that if you are a grown person who knows his worth, criticism can’t affect your self-esteem but that’s not true. If someone called you stupid once, it might have no impact at all. But when you keep hearing the same phrase often, your subconscious mind starts believing that you might be stupid and you might start developing self-doubts. Repetitions are highly effective in convincing people. That is why companies keep advertising the same product every day for years.
To make the narcissist discard you, you will need to do the following.
1. Prepare Yourself Mentally
For example, if you have the fear of abandonment, you will always be afraid of losing someone even if he might be toxic. If you have this fear you might have no motivation to end a relationship with a narcissist not because you love him but because you are afraid of being abandoned. That’s why you will have to deal with such fears first.
Like I said, a narcissist can ruin your self-esteem in order to convince you that you can’t find someone else. In this case, the first thing you should do is to build your self worth first. You might be thinking that building self-esteem is all about thinking positively about yourself but that’s not true. You must provide solid proof to your subconscious mind that supports your positive thinking. For example if you feel bad about yourself because you think that people don’t like you, positive thinking won’t help you at all. Instead you must prove to your subconscious mind that you are likeable.
2. Cut the Supply
The reason why the narcissist hasn’t discarded you yet is because he is still getting a narcissistic supply from you. In my article; why do narcissists need so much attention, I said that narcissists who can’t afford to get positive attention usually provoke others to get negative attention.
If you can stop giving them both positive and negative attention they will eventually lose interest in you. The best way to do this is to be nice but distant. If they try to have an argument with you, give a short answer and leave. See: 3 tactics narcissists use to get you back.
3. What About telling them Directly
Telling an abusive narcissist directly that you want to end the relationship might bring problems especially if you are not ready to leave immediately. Once you tell them, they will start doing everything possible to make you stay in the relationship. This would make it harder for you to prepare yourself.
Telling them directly can hurt their ego and they would probably seek revenge in every way possible. To avoid this, the best thing to do is to let them lose interest and discard you eventually. However, if you are fully prepared to leave the relationship, you should skip this whole process of making a narcissist discard you and leave immediately. (See: what happens when you discard a narcissist first).