Are you tired of being disrespected by a narcissist?
Are you losing your self-esteem because the narcissist doesn’t respect you?
Before you try to make a narcissist respect you, it’s important to understand why they don’t respect you in the first place. If you are dealing with a malignant narcissist, they may use disrespect to control you. For example, if a malignant narcissist wants to dominate you, they will realize that they can’t control you when you are self-assured and confident in yourself. Therefore, they may try to destroy your self-esteem and make you feel worthless. As you might have guessed already, disrespecting you is one of the strategies they may use to ruin your self-confidence.
Fortunately, not all narcissists are malignant. If the narcissist you are dealing with is not malignant or abusive, it’s possible that you might be making some behavioural mistakes that are making them lose respect for you.
This article discusses the actions you should take and the kind of behavior you should display to make not only a narcissist but also other people respect you.
5 ways to make a narcissist respect you
- Appear to be emotionally independent: if you always struggle to please the narcissist, if you are always seeking their approval, if your happiness depends on them in one way or another, you will rarely get the respect you want. On the other hand, when you are not needy or even better, if the narcissist is the one who depends on you, they will be forced to respect you. Just make them realize that respecting you is more beneficial to them.
- Look more valuable than them: most narcissists consider themselves special and they become really impressed when they find someone better than them. The fastest way to convince a narcissist that you are better than them, is to do something they failed to do. This has to be something they value, not something they don’t care about. For example, if the narcissist has been struggling to lose weight without success, keeping yourself in a good shape will impress them.
- React when they disrespect you: a mentally stable person is usually nice to all people and treats them with respect. Unfortunately, some people, especially malignant narcissists, may interpret your niceness as a sign of weakness that they should take advantage of. At first, you should be nice to the narcissist but as soon as they start disrespecting you, respond right away assertively and let them realize that you will not accept disrespect in any way. Humans are usually motivated by seeking reward or avoiding punishment. If the narcissist realizes that there are always unpleasant consequences associated with disrespecting you even if they were not that bad, they will be motivated to avoid those consequences and respect you. You don’t have to do anything that will make the narcissist want to fight you, just let them realize that disrespecting you always results in unpleasant consequences.
- Never beg them: when you need anything from the narcissist never show them that you need it that much. If you want anything from the narcissist just ask for it but never beg. Begging will make you look weak, vulnerable, and lacking emotional strength. See: why are narcissists so stingy with money.
- Show them who you are: a narcissist won’t respect you until you prove to them that you deserve to be respected. This does not mean that you should tell the narcissist directly that you are a great person. Instead, display tremendous confidence through the way you talk, how you deal with them and how you handle problems. Let your words and actions reflect a strong belief in yourself.
- How do you handle problems and shocks?: there’s nothing wrong with crying, screaming, and losing control when you face a harsh life problem but don’t do this in front of an abusive narcissist. Crying and losing control on the smallest problems will make not only the narcissist but also other people lose respect for you. However, if you are dealing with a non-abusive narcissist you should not overuse this approach. In my article on how to make a narcissist dependent on you I said that to develop emotional intimacy in your relationship you should share your emotions, problems, and fears.
Important point to consider
An insecure narcissistic man who doubts his masculinity may try to appear more masculine by being mean and disrespectful. If you’re dealing with such a narcissist they will be afraid to show you any signs of respect so that they won’t appear weak. You can motivate such narcissists to respect you by helping them realize that being kind doesn’t make them look less masculine. Respect them when they are nice to you and show them that being mean doesn’t gain them respect.
In my book “manipulating the manipulator“, I discussed how to make a narcissist regret being rude to you and how to appear authoritative to command respect from not only narcissists but anyone. Also read part two of this post: how to make a narcissist fear you.