Making a narcissist love you again after devaluation or discard is an easy task given that you know what to do. However, the time you have been apart plays a big role. After breaking up, narcissists usually crave the narcissistic supply they were used to get from their partner. Whether this was a positive or a negative supply doesn’t matter. Depending on the narcissist’s personality, it can take them a lot of time and effort before they get another stable supply.
For example, covert narcissists are not good at socializing. They usually get more attached to their partner than overt narcissists because it’s harder for them to get a new supply. Bringing any type of narcissist back is a lot easier especially if you have not been apart for so long.
Before you try any attempt to bring them back, it’s important to make sure that you are not giving them a narcissistic supply without knowing. If they believe that your life became miserable after the breakup, it gives them a sense of power over you. If they are mean enough, they would just enjoy seeing you depressed rather than bringing you back in their life. This sense of power over you can give them a dose of narcissistic supply, especially if they believe that breaking up was your fault. In this case, you would need to block it first by making them believe that the breakup meant nothing to you.
How to make a narcissist want you back
I guess you already know that narcissists have an inflated ego. Their ego is not only oversized but is so fragile that without a constant assurance of their greatness, they would feel worthless. This makes them easily fall in love with anything that makes them feel important. Material things like money can make them feel really superior, but without a human audience to show off to, all their possessions would be useless.
If breaking up was their decision then most probably, you either hurt their ego or they felt that you were no longer a sufficient supply. To bring them back, you would need to appear more worthy at the same time harmless to their ego. Even if a narcissist considers you a great catch, they would avoid you if they believed that you are a threat to their ego. If the narcissist believes that coming back will make them look stupid in one way or another, they may not come back even if they wanted to. For this reason, you shouldn’t try to directly convince them that they made a mistake by going. Instead, let it look like they will be doing you a favor by coming back. However, this does not mean that you should beg them to come back. This will prevent their ego from holding them back.
5 ways to make a narcissist love you again
- Let their emotions calm down first: if you broke up after a conflict, the narcissist will probably be full of emotions. Trying to make them love you again while they are still full of anger won’t work. Give them a few days or even weeks so that they calm down.
- Make your intentions mysterious: when you start contacting the narcissist, don’t make it obvious that you want them back. Instead, let them wonder what you want. This way, you will increase the chances of them listening to you since they will be eager to know what you want from them.
- Don’t appear desperate: narcissists are usually so vindictive after a conflict. As I said earlier, if you seem desperate for their approval, they may withhold it just to torture you emotionally. Being desperate also makes you look less valuable.
- Solving the problem that led to the breakup: in part one of this article: how to get a narcissist back, I explained some of the less obvious reasons why a narcissist may lose interest in you such as the fear of commitment. Solving the main problem that caused the breakup is the most important step. Convincing the narcissist that there will be change in your relationship will probably take time, that’s why your main goal should be to keep in touch with them and not to bring them quickly.
- Doing nothing can also work: Sometimes if they start craving the supply they were addicted to from their partner, they can miss you and bring themselves back.
Every narcissist is different, it’s wrong to assume that there’s one rule everyone should follow to make a narcissist love them again. Understanding your partner is the most important thing. (See: how to make a narcissist miss you).