Before you know how to make a narcissist jealous, it’s important to know how dangerous it can be if done in a wrong way. Jealousy is one of the emotions that can force a narcissist to take serious actions. In a certain study, it was found that most school shooters did not target people randomly, nor did they target those who used to bully them. Instead, they targeted those whom they were jealous of. While the study did not involve finding out whether the shooters had narcissism or not, it still shows how far jealousy can push a person if they are sick enough.
Fortunately, most people with moderate narcissism will rarely think of committing a crime out of jealousy. However, they may still try to harm you in a covert way.
How to use jealousy against a narcissist
You can make a narcissist jealous if you either intend to attract them or to make them regret leaving you. I will discuss both cases in this article separately because they need different strategies.
Before we proceed any further, it’s important to understand that here you are in the narcissist’s territory. You are playing their favourite game and they are more experienced than you. Narcissists are highly manipulative and jealousy is one of their favourite tools for controlling people, especially in relationships. Even narcissistic parents use jealousy by favouring some children over others so that they can control them easily.
To make sure that you are never outsmarted, you will have to be smarter than them and use strategies that they do not understand.
How to use Jealousy to Attract a Narcissist
If you are really in love with a narcissist and want to make them feel the same, jealousy is one of the emotions that you can use to attract not only a narcissist but anybody. The type of jealousy that works here is when they are jealous of someone else for being with you.
How to do it?
Start by giving the narcissist excessive attention if you were not doing so. Once they start to enjoy it, withdraw and start showing interest in someone else while ignoring the narcissist. I’m not saying that you should fool someone into loving you just to attract the narcissist. Just interact with the other person in a friendly way while ignoring the narcissist and that is enough to make them jealous.
Making a narcissist jealous works better if they are already mildly attracted to you. You can’t use jealousy to attract them from scratch. You can only use jealousy to intensify the feelings they have for you. That’s why you must first make sure that they like the attention you are giving them before you withdraw it. (See: how to make a narcissist obsessed with you).
Here is another important point to consider. Narcissists see people in ones and zeros, a person can be either worthy or worthless. Shifting your attention from them to someone they consider worthy would work better because it would question their own superiority. The goal is to make them ask the question, “was this person favoured because they are better than me?” If this comes in their mind, they will do everything possible to prove that they are better than the other guy.
Remember narcissists understand this game better. If you do it in an obvious way, you will be discovered in no time, and it may backfire instead. You should conceal your intentions as much as possible when you are using this method.
Please note that you should only use jealousy when trying to attract a narcissist, not when you are in a relationship. In my book “the ultimate guide to making a relationship with a narcissist work” I explained how jealousy can ruin a relationship.
Using jealousy to make a narcissist regret leaving you
The best way to stir jealousy that can hurt a narcissist, is to become more successful and happier than you were before they left you. But, before you try to do that, there is an important point to consider. If you only want to become a better person in order to make the narcissist regret leaving you, you will be making a big mistake. You will be convincing your subconscious mind that this person is so important to you, and this would make it harder for you to forget them. In my article “why do narcissists seem to move on so quickly“, I said that the desire for revenge is a strong sign that someone hasn’t fully moved on yet.
In that case, the best thing would be to move on and work on improving your life regardless of whether it will hurt the narcissist or not. After all, their personality disorder is already a life-time punishment. The reason why they enjoy hurting undeserving people, is because deep down they live with unhealed emotional wounds. You may also read: How to make a narcissist addicted to you.