The title of this article may sound ironic but it’s actually not. So, why would anyone want to make a narcissist happy?
In some of my previous posts, I said that a narcissist’s behavior is a direct reflection of the emotions they are experiencing. An abusive narcissist is nothing but a person who is not only unhappy but also experiencing a lot of negative emotions such as fear, anger, insecurities, and inner shame. This means that had this narcissist been happy and content, he wouldn’t be abusive in the first place.
I’m not saying that the narcissist’s happiness is your responsibility or anyone else’s responsibility but if you live with the narcissist and want to have a positive relationship with them then you should try to make them happy.
What makes a narcissist happy
When it comes to making someone happy, most people usually think of doing something such as buying them gifts, complimenting them, cooking them their favorite meal and so on. Of course all these things can change a person’s mood for a moment but they won’t give them lasting happiness. So what makes a narcissist happy?
Let’s say that a narcissist always wanted to become popular and make a lot of friends but suddenly found himself doing a job that doesn’t allow him to socialize. This narcissist will automatically start getting bad moods simply because his important psychological need is not being met. Buying gifts for this narcissist or cooking the best meal for him will only excite him for a short moment but he will return to his state of unhappiness in no time, simply because his problem is that he is feeling lonely and invisible. Some narcissists may act like they don’t need other people but in reality all narcissists crave attention, admiration, and constant reassurance.
Feeling invisible is one of the things that can make a narcissist live in a constant state of unhappiness. The only way this narcissist can feel happy again is to make new friends and become popular.
How to make a narcissist happy
First, it’s important to understand that most of the things that need to be done in order for the narcissist to be happy can only be done by the narcissist themselves. This is simply because, if a narcissist is facing financial problems and loneliness at the same time, you can help them feel less lonely by being emotionally close to them but you can’t fix their financial problem.
This means that you can only help a narcissist feel happy but you can’t make them entirely happy.
Here’s how to make a narcissist happy.
1. Give them the narcissistic supply at a lower cost
The last thing every narcissist wants is to be seen as an ordinary person. Narcissists usually try to make extraordinary achievements in order to impress people and get admiration, attention, and special treatment. These people that the narcissist gets attention and praise from are what is known as the source of narcissistic supply. A source of narcissistic supply can be many people or just one person such as their partner or a very close friend.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always go the way they expect it to go. If a narcissist found himself living an ordinary life where he is treated like an ordinary person, he will live in a constant state of unhappiness even if there seems to be no serious problem in his life.
In order to make a narcissist happy, you need to make them feel admired and make them feel that the little they have achieved and the person they are, is already enough to impress you. This means that you should convince the narcissist that they don’t need to make extraordinary achievements in order to get special treatment. Instead, let them feel like they are already special.
As I said in the previous articles, you should always be indirect when trying to change a narcissist. You should never approach them directly and tell them how special they are, instead let your actions and your day to day interaction convince them so.
2. Unconditional love won’t work
Now from the previous point you’d assume that it will be even better if you give the narcissist unconditional love or if you showed them that you would still love them even if they didn’t have anything but that’s not true.
This is simply because narcissists don’t like to be loved unconditionally. This may sound weird but as I said, narcissists want to feel special and superior, loving them unconditionally won’t make them feel that way. You should instead look for the positive traits that the narcissist has and show them that you love them for those traits. This will not only make the narcissist happy but they will also be motivated to improve those traits. See: how does a narcissist choose his wife?
3. Prove yourself superior
Generally, attention seekers don’t just seek attention from anyone. Instead they seek attention from those whom they see as worthy. In my article: how to make a narcissist obsessed with you, I said that you should try to appear worthy or at least better than most people around you in order to make a narcissist love you.
If the narcissist sees you as a worthy person then he will enjoy your attention, love, and admiration. See: how to make a narcissist emotionally dependent on you.