To understand well how narcissists react when you stop chasing them, let me first explain why people in general feel bad when someone stops loving them. If you think that the main reason why we feel bad when someone rejects us is because we loved that person so much then you are only partially correct.
One of the main reasons why we feel bad when someone stops loving us is our hurt ego. “Did I become a boring person?” “Am I not that good looking anymore?” “Did they find someone better than me?” These are some of the thoughts that run in the person’s head after being dumped.
How a narcissist feels when you stop chasing them
A narcissist’s self-esteem and happiness greatly depends on the outside sources. This means that a narcissist will feel worthy only if other people think he is worthy. Since no one ever tells someone else directly that they are worthy, one of the ways a narcissist can tell that other people think they are worthy is measuring how much they are loved. The more they feel loved and admired by other people, the better they feel about themselves.
When you constantly chase a narcissist, you not only help them feel good about themselves but you also make them feel happier. It doesn’t matter whether they are in love with you or not. Even if you were a total stranger, your constant attention would still be beneficial.
Like everyone else, narcissists hate to lose what they already have. When you stop chasing them they will certainly feel bad but the intensity of that feeling will greatly depend on how insecure they are, the conclusions they make, and how much they value you. The more insecure a narcissist is, the worse they feel when someone ignores them and when they get rejected.
If you give the narcissist explanations why you are done with them they won’t feel that bad especially if the explanations didn’t touch their insecurities. On the other hand, if you stopped chasing them without giving any explanation, they will try to understand if you stopped loving them because you find out something bad about them. See: why do we obsess over those who don’t like us.
How does a narcissist react when you stop chasing them
Below are some of the common ways narcissists react when you stop chasing them:
- They will start flirting with you: If the narcissist feels deprived after losing your attention, they may start flirting with you so that you fall in love with them again. At the same time, their ego may prevent them from making it obvious that they want you simply because they don’t want to appear desperate, especially if they have been ignoring you.
- They will start showing off: People tend to view those who show off as arrogant and aloof but the real reason why people show off is to gain love, acceptance, and admiration. If you watch carefully you will realize that people who show off don’t just show off in front of anyone, but they only show off in front of those who are important to them. If the narcissist wants to regain your attention, they may show off so that you realize they are still great and attractive.
- They may devalue you: narcissists usually devalue those who hurt their ego. If the narcissist perceived your sudden withdrawal as a direct attack to their ego then they may devalue you. For example, if they tried to contact you after you stopped chasing them and you ignored them, this would certainly hurt their ego.
- They may fall in love with you: In my article: how to make a narcissist addicted to you, I said that one of the ways to make a narcissist addicted to you is to give them mixed signals. If they are not sure whether you like them or not, they will keep thinking about you, trying to understand whether you like them or not, and this will make them emotionally attached to you. See: what happens when you discard the narcissist first.