How do narcissists feel when you move on? Do narcissists care if you move on? Before I answer those questions, it’s important to know how narcissists think. A narcissist’s self-esteem and happiness greatly depend on the position they think they hold in other people’s mind. Of course all people care about other people’s opinion to a certain extent, but the difference between a narcissist and a non-narcissist is that, a narcissist can never feel happy and satisfied with life if he thinks that nobody cares about him that much.
In my article about narcissists and attention, I said that feeling invisible is one of the narcissists’ worst fears. A narcissist doesn’t have to be isolated for him to feel invisible. Getting ordinary attention like a normal person can make them feel invisible.
So, what does all this have to do with narcissists and caring if their ex moves on? If you understand how someone thinks on one side, you can easily join the dots and understand him on the other side. Narcissists’ thinking pattern affects them in all their life areas including relationships and breakups.
Do narcissists mind if you move on
A narcissist would never want to lose attention and narcissistic supply from someone they value. When a narcissist breaks up with his partner, he usually devalues and discards her but he would still want to get a narcissistic supply from her indirectly and without bringing her back.
As I said in my previous post how narcissists feel when their ex moves on, for a narcissist, breaking up alone does not mean total loss of narcissistic supply from their partner. As long as they still get some tell-tale signs that their ex has not moved on yet, it can still give them a sense of attention and narcissistic supply even if they may not be willing to bring him or her back in their life.
Now, moving on would bring an end to this free indirect supply they had been getting from their ex.
Do narcissists always care if you move on
Narcissists hate it when their ex moves on only when they themselves have not moved on yet. When a narcissist breaks up with his partner or when he devalues and discards her, he usually puts on a mask of having moved on and having forgotten her, but in reality, narcissists don’t move on that quickly.
Of course if a narcissist and his ex went no contact and never saw each other again after the breakup, there is no way he would tell that his ex has moved on or not. But if they still have any form of contact, a narcissist can still manipulate them and get the narcissistic supply indirectly.
What do narcissists do when their ex is about to forget them
Like anybody else, narcissists hate to lose what they already have. As I said earlier, because believing that their ex is still obsessed with them can give them a boost on their self-esteem, they would never want to lose this source of self-esteem boost.
When a narcissist believes that their ex is about to forget them for good, they usually try to lure them back again (also called hoovering), although, most of the time, they take this decision impulsively. They usually take this decision without thinking about whether they really want a serious relationship with their ex again. Since the main motive is to prevent the loss of attention and narcissistic supply, once the goal is achieved, the relationship is less likely to be productive. When the problems that led to the previous breakup are still present, fights are likely to arise sooner or later. This usually leads to another breakup(discard).
Some people usually fall victim to this narcissistic hoovering, thinking that maybe the narcissist wanted them back because he had a second thought after the breakup and decided to change, while in reality, he may be looking for a quick self-esteem fix. In my book “manipulating the manipulator” I explained how you can read people’s hidden intentions including narcissists. See: why do narcissists ignore texts.