Since people are different, when two people come together in a relationship, there can be a lot of conflicts, fights and disagreements but those problems are usually solved as time passes and the relationship stabilises gradually as those people gets used to each other. However some relationships never seem to be going in the direction of solving problems and stabilising.
In a toxic relationship there is usually an abuser who always tries to control his partner by all means. The abuser usually tries to destroy his partner’s self-esteem and to make her feel unworthy so that she won’t leave. After all, if you believed that you are not worthy of anybody’s love, you would stick to the person you are in relationship with at all cost.
Unfortunately, some people never realise that they are in a toxic relationship especially when there is no physical abuse in the relationship. That’s why I decided to write this article so that you can leave the toxic relationship before it’s too late. (See: how to get over a narcissist after going no contact)
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
- Destructive criticism: Sometimes our loved ones criticise us but their criticism comes in form of a helpful advice that can help us do something better. However when someone picks you on small mistakes and harshly criticise you, then it’s an indication that the person has a personal problem and hidden intentions, probably to lower your self-esteem.
- There is no respect: a mentally stable person sees their partner as an equal human being and respect comes naturally. On the other hand an abuser who has inferiority complex tries to appear superior by devaluing and disrespecting his partner. People who suffer from intense inferiority feelings usually try to put others down in order to feel superior.
- They blame you for the abusive behaviour: abusers are usually skilled at distorting the victim’s perception. They try to convince the victim that it’s their fault that the abuse is happening.
- They try to isolate you: a person who has neither close friends nor a good social life can be easily abused. Some abusers are intelligent, they try to isolate their victim from the society in order facilitate the abuse.
- Controlling behaviour: if your partner tries to intimidate you, to make you feel guilty or ashamed then they are trying to control you using your emotions.
- There is no emotional intimacy: emotional intimacy involves sharing your emotions, thoughts, and fears with your partner. Some people have fear of intimacy and if one or both partners had this fear, then there can be reduced emotional intimacy in the relationship. However if the absence of intimacy is due to a fear that your weaknesses will be used against you, then it’s a sign that the relationship is toxic.
- You are not growing: if the relationship is negatively affecting your mental health, your career and your well-being then it’s toxic.
- Gaslighting: gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used by abusers to make the victim question his own sanity and perception.
Leaving is the only Solution
In some of my previous articles I explained how you can change a narcissistic partner who is not that abusive or mentally ill, but when it comes to abusive people it’s almost impossible to change them especially if they believe that there is nothing wrong with them. That’s why leaving that kind of relationship is the best decision you can take. (See: how to raise mentally healthy children if your spouse is a narcissists)